The Power of Love Love

Posted on February 13th, 2017 by

Love, Love.  It’s how every tennis match begins.  Being Valentine’s Day, let me tell you a tennis love story.  It is not what you think.

The following story is used with permission from the family.

Carson came to our Tennis & Life Camps retreat camp this winter.  He was quiet. He was attentive.  And he was a hard worker who never complained.  Never gave up.  Ever.

I watched as his camp unfolded.

There are many things we do not know about others when we meet them.  So much that goes on under the surface.

I asked him at the end of camp – the last morning as I read thank you notes to him our instructors had written –  “How was your camp?”

He answered in a way I have to say I’ve never heard a camper answer.   “It was good and not so good.”  I was taken by his honesty.  But I wasn’t prepared for his answer when I asked, “What was the ‘not so good’ part?”  He said, “I made a lot of mistakes.”

Let me digress for a paragraph.  I give each camper and chaperone and staff member a “name” at the end of each retreat camp.  For example, World Opener.  Or Path Maker.  Or Happiness Bringer.  Or, in my case, Too-Many-Question-Asker.  It arises from something that describes what I saw them uniquely bring on court, and then to the group for all our dialogue about difficult inequities facing us as a country, and what we are going to do about them.  To Carson, I gave the name Big Heart.  He would not know this until a couple hours after this encounter, but there it was in my mind already.

So when Carson said, “I made a lot of mistakes,” I said the first thing that came to my mind.  (As my spouse tells me, this is not always one of my more endearing traits).  I said, “Yes, you did make a lot of mistakes.”  But I continued.  “And so did everyone else here.   And I watched you.  But I didn’t see just the mistakes.  I saw the fact that you never, ever gave up, and got much better because of it.  But more than that, I watched your entire on-court group dynamic.  You had in your group one member – a wonderful person, but a complete beginner – who could not make contact with the ball at all to start with.  You are a much better player.  You could have dwelt on being “held back” by this.  But, instead of being irritated or frustrated or angry, never once did I see you be anything but patient.  Never once did I see you be anything but kind.  Never once did I see you be anything but encouraging.   And your court mate got so much better over the course of camp because of your being this way, when he may have shut down if you treated him as “less” than you.  That is what I am going to remember about you, not your mistakes.  You taught me something important that I need to learn better.”

Later, in the final program, I gave him the name Big Heart.
When he returned home, his mom wrote a thank you to us, and said the nickname fits.  Then I found out what he has lived through.    His dad left them with literally nothing when he was 7.  His mom and two siblings went into the winter with the heat turned off by the gas company; his older brother, Zach, whom he adored, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer on April 14, 2009; a day later, on April 15, his mom lost her job when the factory closed; that same day his grandpa died of leukemia; and that same day they had to move out of their home because of black mold; all while Zach received his first day of chemo; and then, heartache of heartaches that will never go away, his big brother died of his cancer.  All this in the span of three years.

Kat wrote, “Carson is on the honor roll for his 2nd year in a row.  He is in jazz band.  As an eighth grader, he is choosing high school classes now and has a 4-year plan with AP classes, online Japanese and lots of math and biology classes as he’s looking to be a veterinarian.  He is wise beyond his years, an old soul.

Even with all we have been through, teachers always comment what a joy he and his sister are to have in class.  How kind they are.

So you see, it is indeed amazing that he is so amazing – after having gone through so much at such a young age.”

This is a love story.  Of Carson looking out for others who may be struggling.  And of a mom who looks at her child, sees all he has been through, knows she will do whatever it takes to get him through what is to come, and all she ever sees is Big Heart.

And it is a love story of the scholarship donors who – without their belief in TLC’s mission to provide camp for all – know this would not have been possible, and brought this teen into our lives to experience his kindness.

On this Valentine’s Day, we are all broken.  Every one of us.  We can let our brokenness damage the world and wreak havoc on others, and keep them out.  Or we can let our brokenness heal the world and welcome others so they, too, know they belong.  I know which one Carson and his mom are choosing, as difficult as it may be, day by day, step by step.  And I know which one I will try to choose, day by day, step by step.  Because I have been in the presence of Big Heart.

Happy Valentine’s Day.  Let Love Serve.

 

How Can I Contribute?

 


12 Comments

  1. Raman Jayapathy says:

    Thank you for this story.

  2. Beckie Lilly Cantwell says:

    ….and this is why we will keep choosing TLC each year after year….this is what bleeds out of every director, instructor and kids that have the priviledge of coming thru this camp. We are honored to be a part of TLC and will continue to do so because of directors like you, Neal, who see people!!! Thank you for seeing our kids, and helping us parents guide them in way that will offer them the best chance at success once life really starts!! WE LOVE TLC…see you this summer!

    • Neal Hagberg says:

      Thanks so much, Beckie. I learn something new with every camper I meet. It has made me a better person. Can’t wait to see you again this summer, too!

  3. Ann Lavelle says:

    Thanks for that genuinely true Love Love story! Warmed my heart and made me smile! Happy Valentines Day!✌️💕😊

  4. Neal Hagberg says:

    Thanks for your kind comments, Anne. Here is a link to explain! http://tennisandlifecamps.org/contributions.php Or email me at nhagberg@gustavus.edu and we can talk about which bucket you might want to contribute to.

  5. Kare Mann says:

    Happy Love Day to you, too! Thank you for the heart warming story!

  6. Anne Arden says:

    Neal, thanks for the story! I always love reading these – they seem to always come an appropriate time in my life when I need some inspiration!

    I want to donate, but when I go to the link it gives me so many options for funds and scholarships. I don’t know which one to give to. Is there a place that describes what each fund and/or scholarship is for?

  7. SKC says:

    Thanks for sharing the TRUE meaning of Valentine’s day, Neal….LOVE and HEART!! Beautiful and inspiring story!